Every Day Can Be A Holiday!

Not unlike St. Patricks day, I choose to apply my time tested Theory of Celebration to the Mexican holiday, Cinco de Mayo.

Just because this isn't the bulk of my ethnic heritage 

doesn't mean I can't celebrate with everyone!

Unlike St. Patricks Day, Cinco de Mayo is a lot bigger holiday in the United States than in the country it originated in.  In fact, according to my extensive unreliable internet research Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with Margaritas, Coronas, Fajitas or Taco Salad; instead it the commemorates the Mexican army's 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War.

Thus concludes your history lesson for the day. 

Now begins your Oh My! I Wanna Drink/Eat That lesson for the day, which is inspired by Cinco de Mayo.

Once upon a time I lived in a sheltered little town and thought that burritos, nachos and tacos were the only Mexican foods.  I didn't like Mexican food much back then, I think it's safe to lay the blame for that horrible autocracy firmly at the foot of the lone restaurant in town that served "Mexican" food. 

Since leaving my little tiny hometown I have watched a lot of television (pbs - Rick Bayless), I have started eating outside my comfort zone and I have discovered the magnificence of tomatoes, avocados and drinks that are not from bottles branded by 2 old guys named Bartles and James.

I have my own skinny margarita recipe;it actually belongs to Target but I use it regularly in the summer and besides being pretty tasty it is also fairly inexpensive (compared to the bottle version of a skinny margarita touted by a reality tv "star") and super easy to make.  Directions - CursingMama's Skinny Margarita!

I have also searched the internet high and low for other celebratory foods & drinks that I can enjoy for this holiday and every other day I feel like commemorating the Mexican army's 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War.

In the words of a Food Network star that drives me insane... YUMO!

We make something very similar to this Black Bean salad a lot (no corn add peeled & diced cucumber). It's a great fresh side dish to just about any meat, although I tend to pair it with grilled chicken breasts because chicken is lean and protein  packed. 

Source: onceuponachef.com via Cursing on Pinterest

If you will not be eating meat for Cinco de Mayo, may I suggest something in the grilled cheese food group?

Source: grilledcheesesocial.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Or - how about these vegan nachos? 

Source: kblog.lunchboxbunch.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Here's another tomato salad because I couldn't resist... I love tomato and avocado!

Source: google.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Here's a drink and a dessert all wrapped up into one!
Corona Cupcakes!

Source: laurenconrad.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Of course there is a margarita version as well.....

Source: annies-eats.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Or the margarita jello shot...

Source: jelly-shot-test-kitchen.blogspot.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Have a safe holiday weekend and remember not finishing your drink is alcohol abuse!

Source: thekitchenoutlet.com via Cursing on Pinterest

Time Machine

Because I haven't done this in a SUPER long time and I could use a little laugh track around these parts I thought it was time to resurrect the blog quiz extravaganza....

You Party Like a VIP

You enjoy a good time, but you're a bit picky about how you party. You like to party in style. It bums you out to party among the masses. You like some privacy... and a dress code! You have high class tastes, and no expense is spared when it comes to your nights out. You like to treat yourself, even if that means paying a little extra to have an unforgettable time.

The Disco Ball Test

It's like these people know me in real life.... I LOVE these things!!!!!!!!!!!!

You Are Calculating

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You hear that ... My mind is a WEAPON!

And, because I get a lot of email about my penis I thought I should take the opportunity to name it...

Your Penis Name Is: Little Juan

Keep it in your pants!

Penis Name Generator

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

  

Well that explains why I get all that email.

The Bunny

A new Simon's Cat - just for Easter!

Enjoy

Butterfly Kisses

According to gossip, a certain local private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of tween girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal, Sister Knuckle Cracker, decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Friday - Follow Up

So - I posted about my fear of possibly being the subject of an April Fools joke and then I thought of all my other fears.. and I thought I should consider sharing some more; that were related to Friday only.

I have a fear of Dog Poop. Not a handy fear to have when one is the proud owner of a rather large dog. I should probably explain this more fully, because I'm fine with the poopin' and the scoopin' as long as it's going on in the out of doors... its the possibility of poopin' in my house that leaves me with terror. More explanation is needed...Scooter is a pretty regular guy... we know when to expect him to ummm....poop (I really pondered all the ways to say that and I decided that term was the least offensive and graphic - you are welcome)... FINE...drop some kids off at the pool but hes a dog so he's dropping them off at the park. Anyway - despite his schedule he is easily thrown off if in the act of finding the right place to ... park.. he gets distracted. ANYTHING can distract him, birds chirping, a school bus, wind, my futzing with the leash, air. So, when he gets distracted in the morning and does not make his scheduled delivery and I know that there will be nobody home to bring him out to try and make that delivery I FEAR all day long that he's going to deliver on the living room carpet.

I have a fear of Baseballs. I think at some point we established that I'm not super coordinated and as a result have been hit in the head multiple times in so called sporting contests with white balls. Naturally I am now afraid of white balls (Remember I have to tell you the story of the time Mr. Motorcycle announced that I was afraid of white balls and my girl friend who bats for the same team as Mr.M. told him to watch his back! Oh... kinda told it). I have no problem sorta playing games that involve these things.. but most of my ball (sports kind) activity is rooting from the sidelines. EXCEPT Baseball. Don't like it, never have...thought I never would. (the season of baseball that Gameboy played nearly killed me) And then... I decided on Friday afternoon that I might be up for watching the Twins Home Opener....No Idea Why. It took some searching, but I finally found the game on a channel way up in the 600's (I never get past the low 300's) and sat down with a glass of wine & a bowl of cereal to watch...

This is where Mr.Motorcycle gets scared. I can be a bit obsessive when it comes to watching sports, if I happen to become enamored with a sport there is a good chance I will become obsessive about watching it (see Timberwolves Kevin Garnett Era - or MN Vikings All Era's - or Gopher Hockey pre-wedding era) (there are more, that's just a sampling)

I was less than impressed... all the standing around doing nothing drives me a wee bit insane. I like a lot of movement and I really like it when people run into each other; neither of those things happened so I changed the channel.

This does not mean that I was not subjected to an April Fools Joke... nope, we have Gameboy coming in at the tail end of the evening with a whopper. Although he (a) is very good directionally and (b) has a gps device for his car - Friday found him in an area of the cities he is neither familiar with and without his gps because that is exactly the kind of thing he takes out of the car for no good reason. (see teenage boy - lack of common sense). To ensure he was going where he needed to go he called me, I gave him very good directions for main freeways (I494 East - turns magically into I694 at I94 interchange - stay on I694 until you know where you are at!) and was sure that he would eventually arrive home safely. As the evening passed I didn't really think to much about it, after all Gameboy is technically an adult (in only the technical sense) so he can pretty much do what he wants when he wants as long as it is legal and doesn't disturb my sleep (basic rule of living at home).

Then the phone rang...

Gameboy: I don't know what happened, but I'm halfway to Duluth!

You can see where this is going - you know that I'm about to be Punk'd - I however had totally forgotten that Gameboy has been diligently studying at the feet of Ashton Kutcher for some time.....

Cursingmama: What?!?! Turn around!!! Whats your closest exit. I'm not paying for your lost gas for stupidity and not reading signs! GAH! BLARP! SUGAR!

Gameboy: April Fools! I'm in the driveway!

If he hadn't gotten in the house so damn fast I would have changed all the locks.

The Fear

Hope your volume isn't too terribly loud - this is all new for me - this fandangled blogging with sounds & games & whirleegigs oh My!

I'm actually a little afraid today...not being a fan of surprises (or being the absolute center of attention) I wander around on April Fools day hoping that I will not be fooled by anyone. I reciprocate the kindness by not fooling anyone either....

This is not to say that I never play pranks or that I never do anything "foolish" I just don't tend to do those kinds of things on a day specifically set aside for that particular mischief. I'm an equal opportunity mischief maker...and should probably get the mug...

(Warner Brothers Harry Potter Shop)

PS Is it wrong if I plan a vacation to Harry Potter Land and don't plan on bringing my kids?

Speaking of FEARS - - I have stopped watching all news programing and read almost no newspapers, news websites, news bulletins... all of it. And the affect on my person and mental state has been DRAMATIC! The knot in my stomach is gone, I don't worry about things I can not control or things that I have dreamed up that could happen which I couldn't control. I occasionally feel 100% disconnected... (like I had NO IDEA that Geraldine Ferraro had passed away over the weekend) but I feel so much better overall that I don't miss the big backpack of worry I used to haul around with me everywhere.

I guess I'm a little like that song now.... you know the one.... Lily Allen... The Fear.... Kinda Safe For Work if your boss is gone and your coworkers are cool....AUDIO... you'll have to take my word for it. (totally not really - I'm a lot like Lily Allen except I can't sing and that song was totally tongue in cheek!)

Here - go save Lily from the FEAR and waste the rest of your day....

I have no rightly idea if that game is going to actually work here on CursingMama - - if not... Go Play at LilyAllen Music.com

Things I've learned......You need a good story...and a cell phone

When your husband/partner/insignificant other arrives in the bathroom an hour after you've announced that you were "going up to shave your legs and polish your toes" only to find you submerged in a tub of bubbles with a paperback, an empty glass of wine, the same chipped polish you started with an shaggy legs you need to have a good story ready...or you can bat your eyes and mention how sad it is that your glass is empty and if they really cared they'd have brought the bottle up. (diversionary tactics work on occasion)

Experienced bath takers bring their cell phones with them so they can text when the glass is empty so they don't have to wait for the "What the hell is taking so long up here?" question to get their refill.

liars, half-truths, and lying all in a weeks work

Last week I received all sorts of emails and reminders and notices from Widget Corporate about daylight savings time beginning.. most involved the term "Spring" It's been 5 days since I set all the clocks ahead an hour and I'm still dragging my back end around confused, eating at weird times, and I'm later than normal for everything. I didn't spring.. I'm stumbling & staggering into spring like I've been mainlining margarita's since sometime last Saturday afternoon.

There is no spring in my step.

Actually that isn't entirely true, the weather has been fantastic here & there over the last week. Sunny, warm for March in Minnesota and THAT makes me feel fantastically springy. So springy I actually left the house without a coat twice.

ThePrincess came off pretty lucky in this whole Spring Ahead nonsense... she is on spring break and other than having to put up with Mr.M and I nagging at her for all of the laying about and sleeping she has not had to do a lot of schedule adjustment this week. She is not springy by any means, but she is not stumbling & staggering either.

She remains late to everything however, but no later than usual.

In celebration of a week of no school (although not no homework - which is a topic for another post) ThePrincess hosted a gathering of teen girls at our house for something they claim was a slumber party. As far as I can ascertain the pop and candy fueled event was heavy on the party but very light on the slumber. When I woke at 5:15 am for a trip to the bathroom...they were all still up...when I passed by at 7:00 am on my way out for work they were silent.

I suspect the gummy bear high wore off sometime around 6AM.

The weather forecast for the weekend is pretty favorable... reasonable temps, a little sunshine.... but I don't think it's accurate. The arthritis is flaring today and there are only 2 things that make it this bad:

1.) Changes in the weather

2.) Eating too much salt

There is no way I ate too many potato chips last night...

Okay, that might not be entirely true. I may have partaken in several potato chips in conjunction with my green drink. Not being a big beer lover I chose to go with the time tested Margarita. There are rumors that despite being heavily descended from German & Swedish ethnic backgrounds that one side (the Germans) were not particularly opposed to crossing cultural/national barriers when procreating so I may be slightly Irish. So I felt like I had to do SOMETHING to celebrate St. Patrick. The sacrifices I make for my heritage!

I have been able to verify that I am slightly French and for reasons that I can not name this makes me STUPID happy.

For Old Times Sake - Lets Quiz!

You Are Bamboo

You are a very independent and unpredictable person. You do things your way, and you never know what turn your life will take. You are very intellectual and logical. You try to think things through carefully, in steps. Sometimes it seems like you are unemotional, but you try to have your emotions work for you instead of against you. Those who know you best know who loyal, compassionate, and supportive you are. You are a very admirable person.

What's Your Lucky Charm?

Your Luck Quotient: 53%

You have an average luck quotient. There's been times when you've been extremely lucky... but also times when you've been very unlucky. You probably know that you can make your own luck in life, if you're open to it. So listen to your intuition as much as you can. It's right more often than you might expect.

How Lucky Are You?

Maybe if I buy Bamboo at Ikea this weekend I'll get Lucky!

A Warning

I'm not sure what to make of this....but I thought I should share the warning.


And here I thought it was Labor Day Weekend...shows you what I know.
I assume stocking up on garlic is the first thing you should do... after that it think maybe a stop at the butcher shop for a good steak.

How to Be a Gracious Bitch

Or getting even in style.

Janet's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the- bride ever!

A week later, Janet was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Janet asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.

''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.

Janet told her mother who graciously said, '
'Never mind sweetheart... I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Janet asked her mother,
''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied,
''Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.''