Not an oBITCHuary

Rumors of my demise are far fetched and not to be believed.  I continue to toil daily in cubical hell and pay my debt for what ever it is I did to deserve this while awaiting my ticket out - I keep applying for tickets but haven't landed my own one way fare just yet. 

My time will come.

In the meantime I am BUSY - I know, lame excuse, but it is really the truth. 

The time of the year, a special project, and the recovering economy has led to an increase in cubical work which precludes me from having the leisure time to write posts during lunch and coffee breaks like I used to.  If I am lucky enough to get a one way ticket to a new cube that lets me ride public transportation to get there I think it's a pretty safe bet that I'll be handling these duties much more often and much more prolifically during the commute.

The Princess is a senior at St. High School now and Gameboy is legally able to purchase his own adult beverages.  When I started doing this blogging thing 12 million years ago (fine... September, 200something - possibly 2004, but I suspect that I accidentally deleted the first couple years of archives in a crazy cleaning frenzy a few years ago) these kids were still at St. School and we weren't even contemplating the financial stress of putting 2 kids through private high school... lets all stick our heads in the sand when it comes to putting 2 kids through private college.  

Thankfully Gameboy is a 2 year plan kind of guy because his sister isn't!  

Speaking of The Princess, beyond the normal hubbub of having a senior in your midst (special photos, college visits, applications, etc....) she also feels the need to be in a lot of activities. I'm glad she's involved, I just wish that all the involvement didn't eat up as much of my free time as it does.  I know I'll miss her when she leaves me for good and I do cherish the time I have now with her... but I'd like just a little bigger slice of me time pie. 

Which brings me to the last thing I'm going to use as a reasonable explanation for my absence...  Me Time!

In the last 2 years I've really committed myself to making sure I am taken care of.  That means physical fitness and social fitness - time in the gym and time with friends.  All out in the wide wide world with real life encounters, no more hermitting myself away in the house eating chips and watching bad tv - I hit the gym 4 or 5 nights a week, and try to go out with friends or just Mr. M. 1 or 2 nights a week.  Its a lot of selfish Me Time, but some weeks not enough to compensate for the time stolen in the cube.

I'm trying to stay caught up on what everyone else is doing via Feedly while I munch on my healthful lunch - but rarely have time to comment - so if there is news you think I should know leave it here for me.

Cursing Mama

PS Am I the only one scared that Christmas is almost here and I haven't done a thing to prepare for that either?

Legendary

Friday morning a good friend sent me and email to let me know that a favorite legend of ours had passed away. For a long time I pondered addressing death on a Friday, a day I usually dedicate to Happy Hour (but ironically did not last Friday in lieu of my thoughts on parenting through a national media circus of horror).  

Instead I chose to post about spring, a nod to hope, rebirth, a cleansing....

It's been a tough month, filled with sickness, doctors visits, tests, surgery, bad news, funerals, discord at work, and reminders of betrayal.  Every life has it's challenges and it seems as though this is a time when I am supposed to face some serious challenges.... 

But, I have had good news, I have a fantastic husband, wonderful children, a supportive group of friends I know I can count on in times of need and in the grand scheme of things I am blessed.  I also occasionally go out and find a good time... almost every week.

Which brings me full circle here... George Jones passed away last Friday at the age of 81.  



George lived a life of challenges too.....

There have been many weekends where George Jones was a "featured artist" in our self managed juke boxes; and, although we didn't know him personally and certainly aren't going to stop playing his music, we're going to miss dreaming of seeing him perform.

I love this brief vlog post from Keith Urban to the Legend

Goodbye 2012, you've been one flaming pile of bitch!

I was ready for 2012 to be done in October.  I should have been done with it much earlier but I tend to give people and things more chances than I should......  

Nearly every work day I sat, during my coffee cool-down, with this post window open hoping that something would move me to type something worth sharing, something that someone will find worthy of reading, something that is not drivel, or whining, complaining, or bitter....but, to be honest, 2012 was a little disappointing.

Thus the occasional Instagram photo...

Usually I'm a glass is half full girl, although things are bad they could be worse (Midwestern Philosophy 101),  my problems and stresses are so minor in comparison to those that other people are facing. I have my home, most of my family, most of my friends, my health, financial security, a job, food on the table... really no right to complain.

But, I just couldn't find the will within me to write a fun filled or funny blog post when what I really wanted to do is reveal the disappointments, betrayals and abandonment's that 2012 seemed to be filled with.  Maybe even get a little revenge by sharing some peoples dirty secrets with the world at large.

I kept reminding myself.....

Source: piccsy.com via Cursing on Pinterest

No matter how small one dissapointment may have seemed in comparison to the other, they were each bitter pills I  had to choke down.....

I made no New Years Resolutions about forgiveness, forgetting, moving on... not a single one.  After all, it is hard to forgive someone or something when forgiveness is not asked for, when apologies or explanations are not offered. And, it is even harder to forgive & forget if the same thing keeps being repeated.

So, here I was last week, a brand new year in front of me trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to jump start the blog, wondering if I should.  It struck me that the silence was odd.... I missed interacting & commenting and responding but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to get past my gut reaction to write  about the ugly.  

Last night I was talking to my mom and my sister about one of the greater dissapointments this year and it dawned on me that I need to write about it - I need to get it out of me - and I need to address it all to the person who has done the most damage. 

This morning I started a file in Word, doesn't matter what it's called, but what does matter is that it is the beginning of those words that need to come out of me so that I can move on, not just here but also in life and things can get back to the way they should be. 

Pass me a glass of water, I'm going to swallow that last pill and get on with my life.

The proper application of salt

I was in a bit of a melancholy mood on Friday, something that was startling apparent based on what I posted.  Certainly was the opposite of Fluff.  Without going into much detail I can only say that the walnut tree found one of the large wounds I've sustained while falling through the branches and decided to rub salt into it. 

Salt belongs on the rim of my margarita glass, not in my open wounds.

Today I am feeling much better....about the walnut situation.  I do not feel better about my health regimen; there was a "blip".  In the name of having endured a shitty week I took the drastic step of skipping my workouts Friday, Saturday and Sunday and in their place added fried food, beer, and a lot of trashy talking.  Sometimes a girl needs to live a little like Gretchen Wilson....




I wonder who her personal trainer is....

Crazy Times

Found this quote today.... it made me laugh on a day I needed an extra chuckle.

She's Crazy.

And Just When You Think You've Reached The Bottom Of Her Craziness,

You Discover A Crazy Underground Garage

It's getting harder to lie about my age....

Last Wednesday I was carded when I ordered a beer. It was dark and they card everyone, but I didn't care...I was flattered and I was certain I could carry on telling everyone I was really 29 without a problem. But then I went home and 2 problems presented themselves.

The first and largest of the problems is named Gameboy; this week he celebrates his 19th birthday. Getting people to believe that I had him at 10 is going to be a challenge.

The second and smaller of the problems is named ThePrincess; she recently achieved "Permit" status and is doing her damndest to age me quickly by car. She is the driver, I am the passenger, I have only an imaginary brake pedal.

The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed. ~Author Unknown

I wonder what the manual says about my parent retirement benefits....

The Defeats

When I was young (not that I'm not young now, I'm referring to the days when I spent most of my time behind a school desk) I was not a big participator in organized sports. I have several theories as to why this was the case (when it's been a few years sometimes you tend to forget the details) and although I could post a lot about my theories they are the kinds of things best left in the therapists office or at the bar with my girlfriends.

Despite having a very limited exposure to organized sport like activities I did not miss out on numerous opportunities to not win ribbons/medals/trophies/certificates of achievement. Elementary school did a bang-up job teaching me to be a gracious loser when it came to track & field day, multiplication tables, rope climbing, badminton tournaments, and spelling bees. This is not to say I wasn't disappointed when I didn't win, I was (and often), but I learned that it sometimes doesn't matter how hard you try or how badly you want something - you might not get it.

I also learned that although you might have your best badminton game ever - someone else will have a better one and I will not get to take that recycled tennis trophy home even after I bragged to the whole neighborhood that it was mine. (gracious winning came later)

I spend a lot of time in youth sports these days and I'm saddened to find that many young athletes are missing out on the important lessons I learned in losing. Not everyone is a winner all of the time, not everyone is getting a ribbon, not everyone is walking away happy. I think we've lost something in those losing lessons... maybe most importantly how to recover when things don't go your way.

"You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated."

- Maya Angelou

Working to better

Please excuse the mess, the absence, the lack of engagement. As I've professed for the last.... 12 months or so life beyond the internet is and has been busy and less willing to allow me the luxury of time to write, to think, to organize, to be CursingMama. All of my time is consumed with being me.

It's odd to me, I've been here for years, I slowly and methodically built a decent readership, interacted with quite a few people, enjoyed the benefits that ad revenue and ad clicks and online relationships that boosted me in times of difficulty and celebrated with me in times of joy - - and in a few short months what took so long to build is quite nearly gone. It hasn't been intentional, but is instead the product of what my current circumstances are.

I wonder, if those who have "wildly popular" blogs and websites would experience the same losses...but not too frequently - it's more of a fleeting thing.

Later this week (hopefully starting tomorrow) I'm going to start posting some reviews of recommendations for books to get in time for the Independence Day Holiday. I've really enjoyed some..... hopefully you will too.

Change means that what was before wasn't perfect. People want things to be better.

~Esther Dyson

Doors To Happiness

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. ~Helen Keller

This week I'm concentrating not on the things I've lost, but on what I've gained (and we're not talking pounds). As we all grow and age we change..sometimes what was perfect and appropriate for one age is no longer perfect, or appropriate. Dwelling on the past....keeps me from enjoying the present.

Are you a priority or an option?

This really hits home today

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."
— Maya Angelou

Time to remember that I need to be my own priority, and give priority to those who make me a priority in their lives as well. As for those who do not value me or my contributions, who see me as an option or replaceable, I need to remember that they do not deserve the best parts of me.

The Pay it Forward Concept

In 2000 an amazing film staring a young Haley Joel Ozment, Kevin Spacey, and Helen Hunt debuted in theaters, Pay It Forward. If you haven’t seen it, I would highly recommend it; if you have seen it, why not watch it again.

In deference to those who have not yet had the pleasure I won’t go into specifics, but will only quote this from the movie’s synopsis on IMDB:

Young Trevor McKinney, troubled by his mother's alcoholism and fears of his abusive but absent father, is caught up by an intriguing assignment from his new social studies teacher, Mr. Simonet. The assignment: think of something to change the world and put it into action. Trevor conjures the notion of paying a favor not back, but forward--repaying good deeds not with payback, but with new good deeds done to three new people. Trevor's efforts to make good on his idea bring a revolution not only in the lives of himself, his mother and his physically and emotionally scarred teacher, but in those of an ever-widening circle of people completely unknown to him.

I loved this movie and I loved the concept of paying things forward. Recently I’ve seen evidence of the concept reappearing in my own life, there’s an old Clay Walker song that played on the radio the other day, it is a theme in an insurance companies television commercials, and I’ve been hearing a lot of people talking about how they “paid it forward”.

Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m too much of an idealist, but if you’re paying it forward isn’t the point to do it quietly and take no credit for yourself but to be humble and thankful that you have the ability to help someone out or brighten their day even when it’s least expected.

Life is precious and time is a key element.

Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own.”

~Harmon Killebrew