Nearly every work day I sat, during my coffee cool-down, with this post window open hoping that something would move me to type something worth sharing, something that someone will find worthy of reading, something that is not drivel, or whining, complaining, or bitter....but, to be honest, 2012 was a little disappointing.
Thus the occasional Instagram photo...
Usually I'm a glass is half full girl, although things are bad they could be worse (Midwestern Philosophy 101), my problems and stresses are so minor in comparison to those that other people are facing. I have my home, most of my family, most of my friends, my health, financial security, a job, food on the table... really no right to complain.
But, I just couldn't find the will within me to write a fun filled or funny blog post when what I really wanted to do is reveal the disappointments, betrayals and abandonment's that 2012 seemed to be filled with. Maybe even get a little revenge by sharing some peoples dirty secrets with the world at large.
I kept reminding myself.....
No matter how small one dissapointment may have seemed in comparison to the other, they were each bitter pills I had to choke down.....
I made no New Years Resolutions about forgiveness, forgetting, moving on... not a single one. After all, it is hard to forgive someone or something when forgiveness is not asked for, when apologies or explanations are not offered. And, it is even harder to forgive & forget if the same thing keeps being repeated.
So, here I was last week, a brand new year in front of me trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to jump start the blog, wondering if I should. It struck me that the silence was odd.... I missed interacting & commenting and responding but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to get past my gut reaction to write about the ugly.
Last night I was talking to my mom and my sister about one of the greater dissapointments this year and it dawned on me that I need to write about it - I need to get it out of me - and I need to address it all to the person who has done the most damage.
This morning I started a file in Word, doesn't matter what it's called, but what does matter is that it is the beginning of those words that need to come out of me so that I can move on, not just here but also in life and things can get back to the way they should be.
Pass me a glass of water, I'm going to swallow that last pill and get on with my life.