When I peer through the branches I see people I love being tossed around, some harder than others and the pain I feel for them outweighs my own. I envy the few standing on the ground hollering at us to "Just Let Go" and, try as I might, I can't.
Its obvious, the walnut tree doesn't want us and doesn't care about us anymore. This isn't an errant and unexpected wind throwing us around, causing this pain; this is intentional, this was planned.
I try every day to say that I don't care, that I am unaffected, that I don't need. But every day there are reminders, little things, big things, memories that make me smile and then sting with the knowledge of what has come to pass.
I fight an internal battle between walking away, fighting back, forgiving, and seeking revenge. I plan what it is I'm going to say the next time we come face to face, how I want to inflict the kind of pain that those of us who have been tossed aside have had had to endure. But then I remember that I'm giving too much of my energy to someone who doesn't care, who used to matter but maybe shouldn't anymore.
4 comments:
You're in my thoughts and prayers honey. Email if you want to "chat". Hugs.
Sounds like my husband's current job situation. And it sucks rocks.
*hugs*
Totally get you, as I have recently been there (and sort of still am)...believe in yourself and that however things turn out, you will move forward...it is what we strong women do!
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