Friday, March 9

Anyone Who Knows Me Knows I Don't Like To Run Any Kind of Race

I'm still stuck in the branches of the walnut tree and I'm not alone.

When I peer through the branches I see people I love being tossed around, some harder than others and the pain I feel for them outweighs my own.  I envy the few standing on the ground hollering at us to "Just Let Go" and, try as I might, I can't. 

Its obvious, the walnut tree doesn't want us and doesn't care about us anymore. This isn't an errant and unexpected wind throwing us around, causing this pain; this is intentional, this was planned.

I try every day to say that I don't care, that I am unaffected, that I don't need. But every day there are reminders, little things, big things, memories that make me smile and then sting with the knowledge of what has come to pass.

I fight an internal battle between walking away, fighting back, forgiving, and seeking revenge.  I plan what it is I'm going to say the next time we come face to face, how I want to inflict the kind of pain that those of us who have been tossed aside have had had to endure.  But then I remember that I'm giving too much of my energy to someone who doesn't care, who used to matter but maybe shouldn't anymore.




4 comments:

heidi davis said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers honey. Email if you want to "chat". Hugs.

Jen said...

Sounds like my husband's current job situation. And it sucks rocks.

Chris said...

*hugs*

julia in KW said...

Totally get you, as I have recently been there (and sort of still am)...believe in yourself and that however things turn out, you will move forward...it is what we strong women do!