Dorie, our POS GPS, is a hostage taker and travel terrorist!

If there is a long not so scenic route, she will find it.  If there is a particularly bad neighborhood we should avoid, she will make sure we drive through it at 2AM.  When she estimates the time of arrival for a long trip she assumes that there will be no stop lights, no traffic, and we'll drive 15 to 20 miles faster than legally allowed without getting stopped by the law.

Dorie has got to go!

Moose! But in a zoo

I'm pretty sure this doesn't technically count as a moose sighting.

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bW8kgZyUZf/

Because, Traffic.

It has been a long time since I complained about traffic here on the blog (I still do it all the time to everyone in real life, I am not reformed).  What used to be a mainstay staple topic was bumped to "new day, same refrain" status and I decided to give it a rest (here, on the blog).

A lot has happened in the land of my commute. I now have to navigate an ever changing, years spanning, road construction project that makes me want to pull my hair out and gives my middle fingers awesome exercise.  I'm fairly certain that the Minnesota Department of Transportation (MNDOT) knew that this was going to far on their part and as an apology to me (personally) created the Zipper Merge Campaign.

There is a logo, webpage, new signs, and even some video's on YouTube... please feel free to share them with your friends & family.  Sadly not enough people are catching on to the rules, I know this because I am on Facebook and recently had the super fun pleasure of being indirectly "scolded" by an idiot (who is no longer my friend on Facebook due to the post stupid crap repeatedly be unfriended rule) for following the zipper merge rules.

To every person that feels the need to go over and above in the category of Minnesota nice by merging into the non-closed lane miles and miles ahead I would like to thank you.  I will get in, I always do, and you have just made my travel time much faster.

EXCEPT for mornings like today because we are currently in the midst of a Tsnownami (not really) (well there is a lot of snow but because we live in the upper midwest where people mistakenly believe it snows almost every day year round we don't get a lot of snow press) (a lot of schools are closed which made my commute easier so thank you to whichever school started the metro school closing trend).

This morning I left the house late because I wasted some time watching the tv scroll trying to see if St. High School was the only school that closed in our area (it wasn't) but figured I would be forgiven if I was tardy to my desk due to the roads.  For the most part the roads were in horrible shape if you don't drive an appropriately appointed SUV.  I drive an appropriately appointed SUV so I was somewhat happily (I was headed to work when i would much rather be sleeping) tooling along confident in my machine and my abilities until I came face to face with the rest of the world.  

• A lot of people trying to get through snow too deep for their little cars.
• A lot of people going so slow they may never have actually reached their destinations.
• A lot of people driving as though the pavement was clean and dry.
• A lot of people unwilling to acknowledge that there are 2 lanes... not just one.

But, the cherry on top of todays snow commute was the male driver of the Ford F250 with a plow on it. Straddling 2 lanes, and going between 15 and 20 mph, two neat lines of traffic had formed behind him. I was stuck in one of those lines.  

Apparently he did not have the confidence in his machine or his skills to maneuver his gas guzzler and plow into a single lane.  It is either that, or he has a wee little prick and was trying to make up for it with the size of his truck and plow and being a general ass hole.  

I'm guessing it's both.

Traffic Isn't The Trouble

Recently (as in the last 5 years) many of the cities and counties I drive through on my commute have invested a significant sum to install some really nice asphalt bike paths along streets that have no shoulder and/or have a high volume of fast moving traffic, in some instances particularly large truck traffic.  The commuter & recreational biker community fought hard to get these paths installed for their safety and yet EVERY morning for the last 2 weeks (probably longer but that is only how long I've been keeping track) I have encountered at least 2 (usually more) bikers in their speed suits biking with traffic on a road with no shoulder and an empty bike path just 3 feet away.

Is there something I'm not understanding?  Are bike paths no longer acceptable?  Is there some kind of bike versus car movement?  And, if the paths aren't going to be used why did we spend so much to install them and continue to spend to maintain them? 

This morning was particularly bad.  I encounter this same biker every morning, wearing the same bike racing outfit, with review mirrors on his helmet, and what I assume is his work clothes strapped to the back of his bike.  Just a few feet away from an empty, paved, completely redone less than a year ago bike path.  As each car, truck, and suv, passed the biker he swerved ever so slightly into us. When traffic was stopped at the stoplights, he zoomed past all of us on the shoulder and blew the light.

Angry he can't go as fast as the rest of us? Trying to punish us gas guzzlers for our carbon footprint? Death wish?

I just don't understand.

Sunshine Slowww Downnnn

This morning traffic was horrible. Awful. Some of the worst I've encountered in the last month.

It was perfectly dry & sunny.

We Minnesotans are apparently so taken aback when we see the sun that we have to slow down and marvel at its goodness. I willingly admit to flipping the visor up, scooting to the front of the seat, and letting the sun warm my face through the UV protective windshield while we were stopped. Didn't utter hardly a single colorful word and no sign language was used in the entirety of my commute.


I needed that sun too.

Not because anything is wrong - things are fine, just busy. And, I don't know if you are aware, but it is COLD here and there has not been a lot of sun lately.

In fact, I spent a few minutes outside the other day, in the cold just because it was sunny - no coat, hat or mittens. Facing the sun, face pitched up....eyes closed....feeling it's rays.

As you may suspect, it was cold.. but something about that sun.....

I'm really looking forward to drinking fru-fru drinks under an umbrella because it's just so darn hot & sunny.....just a few short months away..... because there is no spring break trip for me.

Safe Travels

Someday I'll look back on my periods of blog silence filtered between half-hearted posting and remember to tell the stories of what really went on and why I was so quiet... not all bad, not all good, a lot in between, some scary and some funny, and a lot of busy.

Until that day comes (sooner for some stories, later for others) I offer you this, a peek at something that makes me smile every single day. Some people have a dashboard Jesus, some a St. Christopher medal or even a rosary.

I've got a Nemo look-alike

VINDICATION

Just in Time for Memorial Weekend Traffic

On the list of Things I Get Worked up About, traffic & driving clearly lands in the top 5. I'm sure I'll cover some of the other issues in the weeks to come (not enough vacation time, proper margaritas, kids who do nothing all damn day, etc...) but today I feel like breaking my self inflicted moratorium & discussing traffic, driving, and those idiots who don't know how to do it right.

Last month Mr. Motorcycle and I took a little trip to Chicago for the weekend. You wouldn't know that because I am the awesome kind of blogger who does stuff that is fun, cool, & different, and reports on none of it. In the old days, when the economy was better, flights were cheaper & I felt more comfortable with the balance of my 401K I would have flown........we drove.

The Minneapolis to Chicago trip off-season is a pretty quick one, less than 6 hours if you don't stop at the cheese houses or gentlemen's clubs. Or my favorite the sex shop connected to the cheese house.

Wait....it isn't my favorite because I make frequent trips to the cheese sex shop, it's my favorite because it takes a special kind of person to think that the best way to market your cheese shop is by attaching a sex toy shop to it. I mean, come on - who among you naturally thinks I could really go for some gouda and a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs?

You really didn't need to answer that.

SO! Driving across the dairy state, passing all the cheese shops, and gentlemens clubs (a topic for another day); stopping only for important things like coffee and the releasing of coffee. We found ourselves in one hell of a traffic jam in the middle of nowhere.

I swear we were like 20 miles from the closest cheese shop.

How bad could a traffic jam in the middle of Wisconsin nowhere be? At one point it took us 1/2 an hour to go about 1 mile. I timed it. Although we did eventually pick-up speed and made it through the 8 miles of backed up traffic in about an hour.

*bangs head on desk & remembers why I don't live in LA*

When we FINALLY found out what was causing all the commotion - 2 lanes of traffic magically become 1 to accommodate construction that is apparently planned for sometime this millennium but has not yet begun. Actually, that's not even true.

Nope.

The trouble was caused by someone who mistakenly believed it was his job to drive in the "open lane" at an unreasonably slow speed to prevent people from using the WIDE OPEN LANE - thus creating an 8 mile single file line of cars, trucks, semis, campers...you get the picture.

Many people I have talked to believe that those who wait until that merge sign to merge, rather than lining up like everyone else, are nothing but law breaking rude mother truckers. As I'm sure you guessed, I am one of the hated people who uses the WIDE OPEN LANE and ignores liner-uppers.

It's a discussion as charged as a political one - no matter what you say you can rarely sway the other side... I may have even drawn diagrams a time or two to prove that it's better for everyone if we use that lane.... I now have official proof, from the Department of Transportation & the Pioneer Press, that

my way is the right way

Lighten up, Minnesotans:
Merging at the last-minute is GOOD for traffic

Traffic engineers believe Minnesota Nice becomes Minnesota Nincompoop when two lanes are marked to merge into one and that "good manners" cause gridlock.

"It drives me crazy when I see that," said Kent Barnard, spokesman for MnDOT's metro district. "Simple physics will tell you it's better to use both lanes up to the merge point."

MnDOT is working on a campaign to teach drivers to forget about perceived politeness — and fill lanes whenever they are open. ~link to article

I'm considering having the article reproduced so I can hand it out and I just may have my copy laminated.....