Faith, or something like it

I was raised Catholic, the kind with the capital "C".  The one that counsels you on living Christ daily,  the comfort of saying a rosary, the mandatory attendance at mass on Sunday, and the healing powers of prayer.

I know that other religions have these same qualities, Catholics aren't all that unique despite what some who share the faith might have you believe.  I find the common thread of taking comfort in prayer, believing that, with enough prayer, God will hear me and possibly grant the comfort I seek an interesting connection.

I am in awe of people who have and live a very strong faith.  People who are willing to let control go (something I'm not built for). People who all caps BELIEVE.  When things are tough and rough they find solace and comfort in their faith. 

I am envious.

I remember as a child praying like crazy that my dad would come back.  Not from work, the store, or even war.  No, I wanted my daddy to come back from the dead.

At 7 I didn't know about zombies and hadn't seen Pet Cemetery so it seemed like a reasonable request to have fulfilled.  That was probably the first time I threw a rock at my own window of faith.

Over the years I've witnessed horrible things happening to good people, atrocities to the vulnerable and innocent, injustices and devastation. Each time I launched a rock, some big and others small, at my window of faith.

Conversely as miracles have happened  like  the births of my children,  safely making it through danger, and friends and family beating scary illnesses, I would call the glass repair man and some of those pits, holes and cracks created by the rocks were been repaired.

My window of faith is not perfect. It is marred by scratches and pits that no miracle will probably ever be able to repair, and it remains a very fragile commodity that requires care. But, it is somehow still intact and although ugly you can still see through it.

Recently What the Kids Know was shared with some whose window of faith is stronger than mine;  prayer circles were notified, intentions appeared in churches, prayer shawls bestowed, and tiny miracles began to happen. 

Maybe it's all medical science and the final, last ditch effort is providing the relief we didn't think would come, but I've put the glass man on speed dial anyway.